How Watching Porn Alone or Together Affects Relationships

Most adults report watching porn at some point in their lives and it's common to continue watching pornography even if we are in a partnered romantic relationship.

The question is: How does watching porn influence our relationships?

Some people may think of porn as a positive addition, perhaps a novel way to explore our sexuality or a tool to bridge the gap between sexual encounters with our partner. While others may worry that a partner's pornography watching is pulling them away from our relationship and leading to emotional disconnection.

But what if porn is being watched together as a couple? Might watching porn together be a fun activity that brings couples closer together? Or perhaps does it create unrealistic expectations about what sex is "supposed" to look like, leading to relationship conflict?

The Study

In a new study recently published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, researchers explored how pornography viewing habits were associated with relationship adjustment, sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy, relationship commitment, and physical and psychological aggression over time.

Participants included 1,234 individuals recruited from the United States; 451 (36.5 percent) were men and 783 (63.5 percent) were women. Participants were 18-34 years old (average age was 26.2 years old) and the majority of participants (74.7 percent) were White. All participants were required to be in relationships of at least two months duration and all participants were unmarried at the beginning of the study.

The participants were sent surveys five times over the course of two years that asked the following questions: "Do you look at erotic websites, magazines, or movies by yourself?" "Do you and your partner look at erotic websites, magazines, or movies together?" Possible responses were: "No." "Yes sometimes." "Yes often."

The survey also included scales that tapped into participants' relationship adjustment, relationship commitment, intimate safety (e.g., "I feel comfortable initiating sex with my partner") and psychological and physical aggression perpetration and victimization.

Who Is Watching Porn?

Across all data collection points, 52.4 percent of participants indicated "no" solitary viewing, while 39.2 percent of the sample indicated "sometimes" viewing pornography alone, and 8.4 percent of participants indicated they viewed pornography alone "often."

With regards to watching pornography with a partner, 56.7 percent of participants indicated "no" viewing together, 40.1 percent indicated "sometimes" viewing porn together, and 3.2 percent indicated "often" viewing porn together.

There were notable gender differences in porn viewing habits. Specifically, 22.9 percent of men in this study reported "no" solitary viewing, while 58.1 percent reported "sometimes" viewing pornography alone, and 19.0 percent reported "often" viewing pornography alone. In contrast, 67.6 percent of women reported "no" solitary viewing, 29.4 percent reported "sometimes" viewing pornography alone, and 2.9 percent reported "often viewing" pornography alone.

The majority of participants reported no changes in their pornography viewing habits over time. However, between 8.3 percent and 12.3 percent of the sample reported changes in the amount of pornography they watched alone and 8.5 percent to 10.4 percent of participants reported changes in the amount of pornography they watched with their partner over the course of this study.

How Porn Viewing Habits Relate to Relationship Quality

Generally speaking, watching pornography alone was related to significantly lower levels of relationship adjustment after controlling for all other variables.

Reported increases in watching porn alone over time were associated with a decrease in relationship adjustment and relationship commitment for men. However, increases in watching pornography alone over time were associated with increases in women's relationship adjustment, commitment, and emotional intimacy.

With regards to watching pornography together, the study found a positive association with sexual intimacy such that both men and women who reported increasing their porn-watching together also reported greater sexual intimacy over time.

What Does This Mean?

Generally speaking, the findings from this study appear to suggest that those who watch more pornography alone tend to have lower-quality relationships.

While watching pornography can be a fun activity to complement one's sex life with a partner, watching "a lot" of porn might suggest that certain needs are not being fulfilled in one's relationship. However, it is not clear whether frequent porn viewing may be taking precedence over spending time with ones' partner, or a less fulfilling relationship is leading someone to satisfy unmet sexual and intimate needs through pornography viewing.

For women in this study, higher relationship quality was reported when they watched more pornography alone. The authors suggest it may be that for some women, watching pornography could be a result or expression of exploring her sexual desires, sexuality, and sexual agency. In this case it may not be that she is turning away from a relationship to watch porn, but watching porn may be a personal exploration that could have a positive spillover effect into her relationship.

Take Away

The study findings do not touch on what kind of porn people were watching nor what watching "a lot" of porn might mean to different participants, so these findings need to be considered with these limitations in mind.

It's also important to note that these findings may not be applicable to all couples. For example, couples who have strong communication skills, are high in sexual intimacy, and hold sexually liberal beliefs may be more likely to find that watching porn together is a positive experience to explore their sexuality. In contrast, some couples may decide that porn is not something they want, or feel the need, to include in their relationships. Further, couples who have negative views about pornography or who have high relationship conflict may find that watching porn together could intensify these concerns and have an adverse effect on their relationships.